The Rain. . . . . .
Febuary is supposed to be the month of love. Well it seems like every feb my love is put to the test. . . . . This is not going to be very clear, because i have so many thoughts and feelings right now and the best way i know to express those is just ot write it all out and it doesnt always flow or make sense, but like i said before this blog, though you are free to read and comment and whatever, is mostley my own sort of therapy to release the emotions I am feeling in a some what positive way and sort through them to help me better understand myself, my situation, and what i can do better.and whatever adivce or input you can give or want to give will be taken to heart and very much apprecatied, . . . . so back to the test. . . . do you ever feel that when there is something in your life that you are trying to improve and strengthen that is when the floods really come.. . .because i do have people who read my blog occasionaly i dont want to give away to many personal details, but there are a few relationships in my life that have been tested to the top and pushed and stretched till sometimes you wonder if there is any hope at all of it getting better and staying better. Its seems to be a constant cycle of having great wonderful times thinking that this is the best of times, and just when everything is flowing and peaceful and happy, the moment I realize how good it is, the very next minute the mirror falls from before my face and good natured moment is instantly shattered, broken into tiny fraglile pieces again that seem impossible to pick up and put back together, but you attempt it anyway, and through whatever amount of time it takes to get it as normal as you can, allthough it will never be the same image as it was in the very first moment before that shattering all began, you do your best, you keep fighting, and you dont give up, cause after all we never give up on eachother, we never give up on love. if anything is worth fighting for it ought to be for eachother.
The Storm. . . . .
I once was told that having the gift of sensitivity,love, understanding, and the willingness to help mankind, understanding their needs even to the point where you are willing to sacrifice your own worth and values to help them, are atttributes to strive for, to adapt into your life and have the heartfull desire to help others and really try to lift them up is what i want in my life. I have tried to be that type of person that is not quick to judge but really tries to understand and support and makesure that no man feels like an island. But it is true what they say that sometimes when you really reach out and try to help someone in need, or stand up for them in a situation that you know is wrong, it seems that your own worth and values are questioned, and that the negativity and your worth is automatically devalued by the very group of people you thought would stand by your side. and sometimes that very person you are trying to help even turns on you and falls back to the opossing crowd, trying to save face and please them at your expense. leaving you all along standing in the middle of the storm of rage, anger, betrayel and maybe even hatred. In the end leaving you alone, to walk away with your heart shattered, your good intentions complelty rejected and even spat upon, and then ridiculed and cast aside. But all along knowing that no matter how bad the storm is, you cant give in because the natural man is a carnal man, and you know better then that, you know in your heart what is really right, and even though the very person you are trying to help and save from the opposing person who is tearing them down, even though that person you are trying to help also turns on you and uses you at his or her own convience, you still cant give in and allow the ridicule to happen. . . . . . this probably is not making sense, but I feel that sometimes the person you are trying to help is not strong enough to stand up for himself because of whatever reason, and even though you know in the end they will turn back to the group, and you wil be left to stand alone in the midst of trying to help them, I still dont give up because even if I have to defend him all by myself and even if it makes him turn against me because i am trying to help him see his real worth and great qualities, I know i will have to fight it alone, and not just the group but the very person that I love the most, because in the end we never give up on eachother we never give up on love!
The Rainbow
I have found in all the times in my life where I have been emotional tested to the max, feel as though my heart has been ripped out, trampled upon, and left for me to put back together piece my piece, there has been one person who has constantly been there for me and been my rainbow in the midst of the storm and that is my mother! No matter what I have done in my life, no matter what I am going for she just always knows. She is always always there to pick me back up no matter what and for that I am eternally grateful. And with that gratitufe I can mention my loving mother without giving thanks to my loving heaveny father who knows me so well and knew exactley the type of mother i needed in my life, and not only blessed me with that mother, but also blessed me with a best friend in that mother. I know I can always confide in her, always depend upon her, and that in the moments where i feel i have no more strenth and i dont know how to pick up all the pieces and put them back together, her love sustains me and is my rainbow in the storm, her love reassures me of who I really am, a daughter of a very loving and most caring heavenly father who i can come to in prayer at anytime or place and pour out my heartache my sorrows, my fears and my weaknesses and he through my mother gives me the strength to never quit fighting for the ones I love!
Unconditional Love. . . .
With Februray being the month of love, I can not celebrate this month without thinking upon our savior Jesus Christ. He is the ultimate source of Love. His whole life was about love, gave love, and died for love. I think about all the trials, and ridcules, judjement, hatred, the many times he had to walk alone, the constant prayers he poured out in behalf of the very people who were riduculing him, he never once gave up, he never once stopped being who he knew he was, Gods son, he never once let it discourage him from fullfilling what he was born to do, who he was born to be. Because of all his sacrifices, because of his love for us, because of him, we are able to overcome anything that might be placed before us, any trial, any weakness, any heartche, and sorrow, any sin, anything because he has promised to never leave us, he sealed that promise with his blood and through his blood are we made whole and clean and purified. I can not express into words how much I love my brother Jesus Christ. I cannot imagine my life with out him. He is my rock, and my comfort, he is that warm tender hug at the end of a long hard day, he is the peace in the midst of the storm, he is the beat in my heart that tells me to keep beating, to keep breathing, to keep fighitng, to keep trying, to keep reaching out, and most importantly to keep loving. So with this month celebrating Love, no matter how my valentines may turn out to be, I always celebrate that i have a loving brother, a savior, even the very son of God, who i know loves me unconditionally and that love will never change.
