So once again I just have random thoughts coming through my head, but I have been reflecting on my past alot lately and the different people I associated with and the relationships I had with them. friendships, boyfriends, acquaintances, co-workers, peers, teachers, dancers, ect. . . . Do you ever wonder what impression you left with them, at least with the ones that are no longer a daily part of your life, or even a part at all. What lasting impression did you leave? Did you touch their lives and influence it in a positive way for the better, or where you a burden, dragging them down, holding them back, because of selfish desires, or were you just simply a stand by, doing nothing really at all, taking real not action, just following the crowd not really making a stand or making your voice heard, not really defining who you are but just letting them think what ever they did about you.
I really beleieve that we have the power to make a difference in someones lives. I believe that there are times where I meet someone and they say exactley what I needed to hear to help me with whatever I was going through at that time. Sometimes it is a perfect stranger, sometimes it is a phone call from a friend or family member, or sometimes it is a discussion or lesson you just happened to sit in on, but for whatever reason you were at the right place at the right time, two people connecting and helping and changing eachother for the better.
Other times, I feel that I get too caught up in the moment, to worried about making a good impression, to nervous to voice my thought or opinion, for fear of what that other person would think of me, that I fear I have let too many moments pass me by where by chance I could have been a help to someone in need, but I let fear get in the way. What if Heavenly Father sent you to that person to be an answer to their prayers but for whatever reason you were not getting the message and instead of helping you did nothing and that moment was lost. Once again I dont know if I am making any sense, but let me do some more explaining. Looking back at my past, during my teenage years I really went through my own personal struggles with self-esteem. I constantly worried what others thought about me and I never wanted to do anything to bring any sort of intention to myself incase they were secretly laughing behind my back. I remember that my friends would come to me from time to time for advice, and i would try to by sympethetic with what they were going through and support them, but I am afraid that that is all I did. I sulked with them, I cried with them, but I didnt offer any kind of uplifting support or words of encourgement or advice, I think I was too worried they would laugh at me and go tell someone else how ridicoulous my words were. That didnt happen all the time, cause I know there are situations where I did pour out my whole heart to them to help, but there are times that I said nothing. And what if I didnt hold back, not that I had any great or spectacular advice that would be this big shining beacon, but what if it did offer some sort of hope or comfort to a person in need, what if I wasnt afraid and I forgot about myself and my fears and reached out to that person and made a difference. I just am wondering how things woudl be different if I would have just gotten over myself and fears for awhile.
I have to say that also during the time I struggled with self-esteem I sadly have to admit that I didnt always make the best choices and I got myself into some not so good situations sometimes. I was dressing, talking, and acting in a different way that was not true to who I really was, all to get attention and get others to like me. There is alot I am not proud about but the one thing that keeps sticking out in my mind is how many of my friendships, peers, ect could I have helped if I was doing what i was supposed to be doing in my life at that particular moment, instead of playing around on the wrong path? I am confident that that particular person in need was able to find the help and support they needed elsewhere, but you know it always benefits two when you serve someone in need. Sometimes the person who is serving gets more out of it then the actual person they are trying to help.
I feel like I am just talking in circles but I just want to say that the past is gone now and there is nothing I can do about it, and the opinions that others might have of me, hopefully oneday I will get the chance to serve them the right way and be myself. But for now on I am going to add another goal to my list and that is, Strive with all my heart to be on the right path and be intune with the spirit so that I can be a help to someone in need. So that the moment isnt lost or wasted or just passed by. There have been so many so so so many who have served me, helped me, reached out to me, and made a lasting impression that changed my life for the better and I am forever grateful to you and your friendship and I just hope that I can give back and alos pay it forward and continue that cycle of selfless love and just forget about myself, and my own problems, and serve others with love and patience and humility. After all we are all brothers and sisters here striving for the same goal, and if we can help eachother out along the way what a greater world this could be!
